i cant fuckin believe that the times tht i actually mess up in life. it feels like alll the world comes down on me. i knw im not the best at taking constructive critisizm but,i cant handle 3 different people yelling at me for the mistake i made today. it was a small mistake. (getting lost in a bad part of town, but i made it home okay) and i learned and i made sure ill never do it again. its like i do things right most of the time and i never recieve postive things said to me. and when i do things right its oh good job every now and then. then when i reallly mess up a lot of ppl call me on my mistakes. i knw i need to work on my confidence issues and being such a fuckin pushoverbut fuck some postive reinforcement is needed,with any person--kids,adults we are all the same. im sick of acting ,trying to be the strong one and when it comes down to it i don't have any balls NONE. ive been told to WALK the WALK for a while now. i feel like im trying but i guess it aint enough, i guess i have to be more AT HOME have no life. u knw? fuk. i cant wait to get my own life. i just need a break.
since music is such a great venter - and i cant scream since theres company-
LINKIN PARK album minutes to midnight.
just trying to MOVE foward.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
learning is a powerful thing! - LONG LONG entry!
so its the 3rd week of classes! (pretty quick~) lets see. soo my classes are pretty cool. my behavior modification class is friggin sweet!
we get to modify someones behavior. so i went asking and i finally got my neighbor to say yes! imm gunna modify her eating behavior- (for confidentiallity..imma call her Amie) amie works a lot,so she can't or doesnt have a set schedule for eating at all. which is numb one unhealthy and two makes her body crave stuff when she shldn;t. but amie thinks she eats too much. amie's family members and i don't agree. so im tryin to get amie to eat breakfast and lunch at a set time. or try to , and will reward her in someway to increase it.
basically its more intresting for me to learn material if i do something then read about it.
and for stats in kines..its just statistics in kines. its not hard,just the reading and examples have to be in depth so its like a higher thinking thing. and i have the same professor for a online/discussion thing called technology in kines,its just applying technology to kinesiology. which sounds boring,but its cool.
sports psych is my last class at dh (then its elco all days ^_^) well tht class is like the one at elco,but its not really like sports..hmm its like, applied so u can use it even if ur not a athlete --like me! it helps with ur inner training like the way u thin of things. personally i tht it was fasinating! its like if a person is egositic and is very emotional u can apply it to ,thinking task oriented! its a logical basis for many things!
what else,oh yeah so my week is pretttyy nice~~cuz i have no class tmrw nd tues. and chill day ( still gotta do online hw) but anywhoo.. and then just read for sports psych and my other classes. tmrw i make crepes and food for my family friend,he seems so lonely after his wife passed.it just urks the fuk outta me tht his child doesnt see tht the father is lonely. but then again i cant see the other side of the childs point of view so i cant really say..... anyway so crepes and movies with a buddy. and thursday~ karaoke with melly and mary ann!!
:) YAYS!!!!!!!!! effing awesome!!!! and we get to "purchase!" our friggin transcripts from elco. and then on friday i meet r's friend at dh to give him a tour at dh. :) yep yep! so its pretty packed WHICH I LOVE. its better then being a hermit and doing my normal, facebook,youtube,hulu,blogger,tvonline thing. i need some actual person contact haha. im so thankful i get invited out! :) LUV YA BESITES! im so grateful to have such wonderful besties. the ones i can go crazy at fukkk arnd nd they wont care,the ones i can be my dark and twisty self around and i knw they will help me outta my hole. yup! just waiting for my crush to tap into my head :) haha okay enuf of tht stuff. yup. welp~ thts it. thnx for reading.
we get to modify someones behavior. so i went asking and i finally got my neighbor to say yes! imm gunna modify her eating behavior- (for confidentiallity..imma call her Amie) amie works a lot,so she can't or doesnt have a set schedule for eating at all. which is numb one unhealthy and two makes her body crave stuff when she shldn;t. but amie thinks she eats too much. amie's family members and i don't agree. so im tryin to get amie to eat breakfast and lunch at a set time. or try to , and will reward her in someway to increase it.
basically its more intresting for me to learn material if i do something then read about it.
and for stats in kines..its just statistics in kines. its not hard,just the reading and examples have to be in depth so its like a higher thinking thing. and i have the same professor for a online/discussion thing called technology in kines,its just applying technology to kinesiology. which sounds boring,but its cool.
sports psych is my last class at dh (then its elco all days ^_^) well tht class is like the one at elco,but its not really like sports..hmm its like, applied so u can use it even if ur not a athlete --like me! it helps with ur inner training like the way u thin of things. personally i tht it was fasinating! its like if a person is egositic and is very emotional u can apply it to ,thinking task oriented! its a logical basis for many things!
what else,oh yeah so my week is pretttyy nice~~cuz i have no class tmrw nd tues. and chill day ( still gotta do online hw) but anywhoo.. and then just read for sports psych and my other classes. tmrw i make crepes and food for my family friend,he seems so lonely after his wife passed.it just urks the fuk outta me tht his child doesnt see tht the father is lonely. but then again i cant see the other side of the childs point of view so i cant really say..... anyway so crepes and movies with a buddy. and thursday~ karaoke with melly and mary ann!!
:) YAYS!!!!!!!!! effing awesome!!!! and we get to "purchase!" our friggin transcripts from elco. and then on friday i meet r's friend at dh to give him a tour at dh. :) yep yep! so its pretty packed WHICH I LOVE. its better then being a hermit and doing my normal, facebook,youtube,hulu,blogger,tvonline thing. i need some actual person contact haha. im so thankful i get invited out! :) LUV YA BESITES! im so grateful to have such wonderful besties. the ones i can go crazy at fukkk arnd nd they wont care,the ones i can be my dark and twisty self around and i knw they will help me outta my hole. yup! just waiting for my crush to tap into my head :) haha okay enuf of tht stuff. yup. welp~ thts it. thnx for reading.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
insomnia is getting the best of me
i don't think iv'e written in here for a while. im totally stuck in insomnia mode again. im sure my 2 cups of strong ass coffee don't help but w/e. i wanted to stay up. i totally have the damn nausea...so that doesn't help either. sooo other then me totally complaining(monku monku) umm school started up again. its been totally awesome. i end up going up to my loner mode. i think its cuz im trying to actually graduate so i dunt wanna mess up like ive done before. got my 1st online assignment done..just gotta do one more before tomorrow. yupyup. what else got back in touch with my date thanks to the great advice of my bestie~ i txted him yesterday to find out he was on lockdown at skl from a bomb threat. thnk god hes ok. it was just a scare. im so glad i dunt go there no more.. i saw too much crazy ass shit there. i asked him if hes free next weekend just to hang none of the vday stuff. he said hes not sure. but w/e ill just curl up with a good book and romantic movies like always. hehe. what else... um just worried about my health,but i guess its kinda of a watch and wait and get help from the acutal person with a Md. and not my internet Md. ANYWAYS... dont reply to my rant part its just me ranting. ive had a aweeesome time hanging with melly :) always there to listen to my various rants while i drive ... lol
im not a big fan of this rain... i wanted to go outside today~ well... thts out the window. ill just do stuff inside today! :)
hmmmm im waiting on my job offer. :) YAY.
kinda not excited tht elco is gunna start again ...ill have no life. i get to actuallystudynotsitaroundonmyassandchillafterclass. but itll be good since i learned tht we only use 18 percent of our brain. isnt tht crazy?? tht means we can learn for everrrrrrrrrrrrr.
well...thts about it for now.
<3 the ventin at 2 in the mornin
im not a big fan of this rain... i wanted to go outside today~ well... thts out the window. ill just do stuff inside today! :)
hmmmm im waiting on my job offer. :) YAY.
kinda not excited tht elco is gunna start again ...ill have no life. i get to actuallystudynotsitaroundonmyassandchillafterclass. but itll be good since i learned tht we only use 18 percent of our brain. isnt tht crazy?? tht means we can learn for everrrrrrrrrrrrr.
well...thts about it for now.
<3 the ventin at 2 in the mornin
Saturday, January 23, 2010
2 more days
until class starts! how awesomeeeeeee. im excited but pretty nervous attempting to take 19 units..will be a lot! but ill just have to try and try like hell because in the end it will all be worth all the blood,sweat and tears~ ( lots of tears). what else... this has probably been the best winter break so far ( take out the one in Japan) but I got a lot of stuff done, got to go on a date, hang with the besties, make and bake a lot of crap, shop too much and sleep. :) i can't wait to graduate, find a job and get my own place!! ill be soo on my own for once! can't wait! I just gotta keep going foward.
<3 ya besties!!
<3 ya besties!!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
great friends,good food, great company
This past weekend was sooo flipping awesome!!!! I had my friends come over and cooked lunch as well as a dinner noodle thing tht bunny gave me. We started a grey's marathon outta nowhere. Surprisingly we got mel addicted to it. <3 it! After tht melly stayed the night~ yay~~! Then we went to get her stuff from her house did a CVS run. Tallked like crazy and then knocked out~ I was soo happy~ ^^
What else.... ive been having soo much pain again. I know tht the growth is expanding... I'm not scared...whatever happens in April, I'll find out theres 2 options --( surgery ..or -- lets not think of the other one until we have to.) --either way I'm ready!
I decided to make ammends with my uncle ( father's sisters ex) called him, heard hes not dong so well, and so he mite come to L.A for this last visit before he tanks... I was supposed to take him to my dead mother's father's grave.. then I talked to my dad about it... he told me that wouldn't be right I would be betraying my aunt.. which I can see--- but its like I'm totally not seeing his view my uncle wasn't the greatest man to me but he was/is my uncle.. I mean he sent me a pic of his dog he is caring for now.. the man literally looks like hes DYING. poor poor man.
I was told even going out for coffee was betrayal... fukk family feuds and such.
What should I do?
Can I get a opinion?
P.S The truth sucks ass but I'm ready.
What else.... ive been having soo much pain again. I know tht the growth is expanding... I'm not scared...whatever happens in April, I'll find out theres 2 options --( surgery ..or -- lets not think of the other one until we have to.) --either way I'm ready!
I decided to make ammends with my uncle ( father's sisters ex) called him, heard hes not dong so well, and so he mite come to L.A for this last visit before he tanks... I was supposed to take him to my dead mother's father's grave.. then I talked to my dad about it... he told me that wouldn't be right I would be betraying my aunt.. which I can see--- but its like I'm totally not seeing his view my uncle wasn't the greatest man to me but he was/is my uncle.. I mean he sent me a pic of his dog he is caring for now.. the man literally looks like hes DYING. poor poor man.
I was told even going out for coffee was betrayal... fukk family feuds and such.
What should I do?
Can I get a opinion?
P.S The truth sucks ass but I'm ready.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
cant sleep cant sleep too much monster with coffee in it.
sooooooooooo im soo in lust or whatever....
i just feel all warm and fuzzy.
i dunt want skl to start kinda nervous but excited about alot of things.
not skl related more like friend and lust related. hehehehee
neways love ya besties~ near and far <3 ya
i just feel all warm and fuzzy.
i dunt want skl to start kinda nervous but excited about alot of things.
not skl related more like friend and lust related. hehehehee
neways love ya besties~ near and far <3 ya
Sunday, January 10, 2010
fun drives
sooo u all totally knw whut went down yesterday. :) teehee i had my 2nd date.. well i call it tht. i got to his house and we watched taiyou no uta (movie) and then i drove us back to my hometown,went to pv mall,went to eat thai food :). Went and got his friend from east la. lol haven't been in tht part out town for a while and then to little tokyo and chilled. then to drop off his friend poor guy doesn't have a car--reminds me of the time i was at csun and took the bus home T_T--so i took him to bell. ( kinda like the strip part of la) then to his house again :) he walked me out...hugged me goodnite. and said he wanted to hangout next week :) maybe maybe not depends on his schedule. im soooo excited for my bestie to meet him! :) <3 ya mel!
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